angst
aŋst/
noun
1 a feeling of deep anxiety or dread, typically an unfocused one about the human condition or the state of the world in general.”the existential angst of the middle classes”
2 synonyms:
3 anxiety, fear, dread, apprehension, worry, perturbation, foreboding, trepidation, malaise, distress, disquiet, disquietude, unease, uneasiness; rareinquietude
4
◦ informal
a feeling of persistent worry about something trivial.”my hair causes me angst”
Angst – Oil on Canvas (Rectangle) Painted in mostly Indigo and Lilac with hints of Burnt Umber and Zinc White (I sold this painting at an alumni exhibition for Victoria University)
A full frontal exposed self-portrait immersed in water bare for all to see, I decided to paint this without any added skin markings or tattoos as I thought it would take away from the concept. The head laying at the base of the painting expresses more of a head rush, both hands around the throat is not an expression of self harm but a visualisation of the emotions you should be getting from the external, internally. Angst is a visual expression of just that, Angst. Suffocating in self-doubt, dread, distress, shortness of breath., you should feel slightly unease because that’s the whole point. The background is pure deep blue sea to symbolise isolation/nothingness the ocean is also calming leading back to the trivial side of such an emotion. Mouth and eyes closed also visualise distress, lack of dealing with reality, speaking up or looking for answers. The point shouldn’t be lost on you. Angst is a painting concept I’d built on and finally completed nearing the end of 2016 the conclusion to what didn’t start out as a good year for me by any means. Exhibiting this painting in December was a sort of bitter-sweet good ridden to the experiences that led me there, selling it at this event was a closure to pandoras box, to be able to start 2017 with a fresh conscience.
The Angst painting was a-thousand-percent my way of openly expressing my distress at that point in my life, without verbally expressing anything. I’ve always, always dealt with my issues on my own, its just the way I’ve always been, sure I like to talk about things that are on my mind and have more meaningful conversation but at the end of the day all those things I’m willingly talking about aren’t things that internally concern me if you haven’t already learnt from my blog entries so far..
I know what you’re thinking.
We’ve heard it all before, ‘Soulmate’ seems to have a similar ring to it.. yeah, well, this painting was before all that, off the top of my head I’m going to say 2015/16 maybe five years ago..
The start of my self doubt
Have you ever dated someone just for the sake of it? convenient? willingly fallen into the position brought on by boredom, divide and conquer? because I most defiantly have and it didn’t end well. Guess what? I’m still not ready to talk about it, this one will be left opened ended, for now.